Since arriving home from the Camino I have attempted to write new posts for this blog with very little luck. I have at least six started that I never finished – they just didn’t seem to express what I wanted to convey. Probably because I don’t really know what I want to convey.
Because really, what do you say upon returning from a year of adventures? I don’t know if it’s possible to “sum it all up” – I still feel like the whole thing is just too raw, too recent to reflect on at this point. Many lessons learned might not even surface for a few more months – or I might not recognize them as such for years.
The two biggest changes I made are within myself – and they are changes not meant to be posted on a blog. One has been discussed with a few friends, the other is something I’m holding close to my heart. But it tumbled out of my mouth when talking to a friend a couple weeks ago, quite unexpectedly. I wasn’t holding it in on purpose. I’m not one for secrets, so I surprised myself by holding in this revelation for as long as I did (a mere six weeks). And then surprised myself again by the choice of person I chose to reveal it to. I wondered why that person, of all those I know, would be the one to whom my heart would choose to share such a personal thing.
Honestly, it doesn’t matter. I could see not revealing it again for a long time. It’s not something that anyone would outwardly notice. But thanks to this insight, I’ve noticed the change in who I am nearly every day.
So there it is…
I’m not sure what will come of this blog, the way I write it, if I write it. I make no promises. Perhaps I’ll get back into “the groove” and update you all on my adventures in my new hometown. Perhaps I’ll move on to other things. Perhaps I just needed to write and say, “I have no big message after returning from my sabbatical.” Perhaps that’s because I didn’t really return – I didn’t go back to the apartment I left, to the town I left, to the jobs I left. I returned – but to what?