A Return to….what?

Since arriving home from the Camino I have attempted to write new posts for this blog with very little luck.  I have at least six started that I never finished – they just didn’t seem to express what I wanted to convey.  Probably because I don’t really know what I want to convey.

Because really, what do you say upon returning from a year of adventures? I don’t know if it’s possible to “sum it all up” – I still feel like the whole thing is just too raw, too recent to reflect on at this point.  Many lessons learned might not even surface for a few more months – or I might not recognize them as such for years.

The two biggest changes I made are within myself – and they are changes not meant to be posted on a blog.  One has been discussed with a few friends, the other is something I’m holding close to my heart.  But it tumbled out of my mouth when talking to a friend a couple weeks ago, quite unexpectedly.  I wasn’t holding it in on purpose.  I’m not one for secrets, so I surprised myself by holding in this revelation for as long as I did (a mere six weeks).  And then surprised myself again by the choice of person I chose to reveal it to.  I wondered why that person, of all those I know, would be the one to whom my heart would choose to share such a personal thing.

Honestly, it doesn’t matter.  I could see not revealing it again for a long time. It’s not something that anyone would outwardly notice.   But thanks to this insight, I’ve noticed the change in who I am nearly every day.

So there it is…

I’m not sure what will come of this blog, the way I write it, if I write it.  I make no promises.  Perhaps I’ll get back into “the groove” and update you all on my adventures in my new hometown.  Perhaps I’ll move on to other things.  Perhaps I just needed to write and say, “I have no big message after returning from my sabbatical.”  Perhaps that’s because I didn’t really return – I didn’t go back to the apartment I left, to the town I left, to the jobs I left.  I returned – but to what?